Where Did All the Good Guys Go?

A few weeks ago I was sitting in my friend’s jeep talking about being single, dating, and wondering if we would ever meet our future spouses. While we were sitting there in the cold, the questions came up: “Where are all the good guys?” and “Why am I not being approached or asked out by good Christian guys?”

 My friend is in her upper twenties, and I just turned thirty. In the Christian circle, it isn’t normal not to be married by this age. I also grew up Amish, so it’s super abnormal not to be married by 30 in that culture. I don’t live that way anymore, but my family does. So, I’m sure they have a lot of questions. And, I think without knowing it, we feel pressure to date and get married by the people around us. I honestly don’t think they mean to bring this pressure upon us single pringles, but it just kind of happens.   

 So then comes the question where are all the good guys that are our age and still single? Honestly, I don’t know. I feel like every guy I meet who seems dateable is either already married, too young for me, and needs to mature more, or comes with a lot of baggage that brings red flags. It’s frustrating. I’ve been told my standards are too high. Or I’m too picky. But honestly, no, I’m not. I know what the Lord wants for me and what I’m looking for. I'm not going to settle for less just because I feel lonely or I'm tired of being single. I have to spend the rest of my life with this person, so I’d rather spend it with someone I enjoy being around, I respect, and who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I don’t want to settle and end up feeling trapped in a miserable marriage because I was impatient and tired of waiting. I know I am created by the Lord with a purpose and I know what I deserve. So, to some, my standards may be too high, and I may be too picky, but I know what the Lord wants for me. And I know He doesn’t want me to settle or drop my standards just so I can say I’m not single anymore.

 So why are we not being approached or asked out by guys? I also don’t know the answer to these questions. I can’t read the male mind, although that would be nice at times. But as a female, I do know how it feels to not be approached or asked out. It’s frustrating. You start questioning yourself and who you are as a person. Am I too picky? What’s wrong with me that no one wants to date me? Why am I 30 and still single? Is there something wrong with my personality? Is it because I’m not a cute little blonde, but instead a 5’9”, clumsy brunette who laughs a little too loud and talks without thinking at times? Am I undateable?

 I know these questions are all thoughts from the enemy because the Bible tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made and created in God’s image. These truths are found in Psalm 139: 13-14 which says: “For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” And Genesis 1:27 states: “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” These verses remind me that God created me according to His will and the way He wanted me to be. But I can always strive to be better and live my life in a way that honors and glorifies the Lord.

 And if you’re a guy reading this, please approach the girl. Ask her out. Pursue her. Make your intentions clear to her. What’s the worst that will happen? She’ll turn you down. If she turns you down, at least you know where you stand with her. And don’t get upset when she says no. Just because she said no doesn’t mean there's something wrong with you either. You just weren’t the person for that girl. Your future wife is still out there somewhere. Waiting for you to approach her and ask her out. Don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back. Because someday that “no” will turn into the best “yes” you will ever hear.

 And to my fellow single girls. I get it, the waiting season can be hard and frustrating. But something that I’m learning and trying to remember is that just because I am still single at 30 doesn’t mean there's something wrong with me. And there must be some good guys left out there somewhere. Even if we can’t see them right now. Don’t waste your single years sitting in misery waiting to live your life until you get married. Your life starts now. Serve the Lord as much as you can. Go on that vacation. Buy the car. Follow that dream. Pursue that hobby. You are just as amazing by yourself as you would be in a relationship. You will never get this time back, so make sure you make the most of it and live life to the fullest.